My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
