I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
