getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
