why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize