I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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