Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
