What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
