Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
