I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
