GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think my fart just growled at me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
