The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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