sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
