it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
