Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
