I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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