do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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