Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
