Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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