I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
