imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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