i would punch a child for taco bell
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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