shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
