Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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