I was born with a shot glass in my hand
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
