A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
