he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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