Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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