Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
