Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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