tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
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He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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