I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
