If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dicks are not precious.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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