i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
