She said her name was "party"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
