and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize