I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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