I cannot find my penis.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
