How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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