I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
