just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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