quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
