He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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