Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
