I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I understand Curling. That high.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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