Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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