Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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