I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
