Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
