Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
