he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
