You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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