she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize