we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
