Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
