If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
