You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
