We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
