I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
