I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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