My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
