Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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