Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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