Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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