So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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