Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
