He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
