Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
