My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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