kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
