she woke up with a sticky ear
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
