I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
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So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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