sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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