..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
