Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
