The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
