time to smoke my breakfast
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
