so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
