$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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