I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
