it was like eating out sand paper
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
