I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
