I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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