hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
