you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
